A Retraction and Apology…to…Rats?
2010
Dear Rats,
I have to apologize for wrongly blaming you for the destruction in my garden and for the many scares I’ve experienced this summer. You see, in typical “crazy female” fashion, I saw something scurry across the yard, bigger than a mouse or a mole, and immediately thought, “Rat Invasion!!!!” Of course, the husband didn’t help matters when he first identified the vermin as “rat.”
Oh, but we were mistaken. And now, looking at the images, I have no idea how I could have mistaken you for the true criminal. If I’d put you side by side in a line up, I would have known. I would have been forced to admit it wasn’t you.
For you see, as you already are well aware, rats look like this:
While the actual culprit looks like this:
Now, as anyone can see, looking at the two of you, you’re not the same. The blame must be placed where it belongs which is on the voles, those busy little demons who love to tunnel and dig and will gladly eat potatoes….and peas…and…well…anything else they can dig up.
So, I feel it necessary to publicly clear your good name, rats. Though, I must admit, the very sound of that rolls oddly off my tongue. You are innocent and thereby free to run and bring fear to the hearts of those who see you. Just don’t get the bright idea to come to my house and eat stuff. Cuz…the traps are still out… I have voles to catch.
Sincerely,
A very apologetic gardener

